Sam stumbled through the door of the bar and out into the brisk chill of the night air. Too many drinks and too much time had done worse things to him, but he felt tonight had done a particular interest on him. The bleary light from the streetlight cut a stark moment in his eyes as he sought to adjust to being outside. He mustered the effort to walk to the edge of the penumbra of light on the ground and stopped. His tan trench-coat felt heavy, his shoes felt heavy... Maybe... it was just that he felt heavy.

Sam, named Samson by his mother, had not had the life he wanted. It had been one miserable attempt after another. Every time he had shown some effort to a goal he liked, it ended. Ending him in a local bar of some sort or another. It had happened so often of late that he was beginning to enjoy it. He couldn't even keep his love life together. One marriage had flowed into a second, much like the drinks he had imbibed along the way. He coughed. The thing he liked the most about drinks is that they went away after he drank them. After pondering the reaction of his past wives for a little while, he began to wonder if it was because of the drinks that he ended up this way.

"Naw!"

A candy bar wrapper blew suddenly down the street, leaving an echo of its passage tapping down the street. He starred after it for a moment. The streets were sure dark at this time of night. The time of night that everything seemed to shutdown. The time of night that you would normally drive home to a warm bed; if you had a car, that is. Or, a warm bed.

Sam began his arduous struggle to follow the street. He reached into his trench-coat to pull out a cigarette. The deft motion of the lighter coming alive and igniting the cigarette was a surprisingly smooth, yet practiced gesture that he could do in any condition. He stopped at the street corner to enjoy that smoke. That beautiful smoke that could make him feel alive; more alive then even the alcohol could. Each sweet, succulent intake made everything hum.

He was happy for the night.

Which is really too bad. Because he was immediately eaten by a dragon.

I remember watching "All Dogs Go To Heaven" when I was little, probably when it first came out. I think that was the first time that the concept of Hell was explained to me. It scared the shit out of me.

So, along time ago (in a galaxy far, far away) I had a Gateway brand computer. Now, it was a pretty good little machine, wasn't the best, but it was cheap for me. I used it for awhile and then started building my own computers instead of buying them. Now, as I have been working in the computer field for a while I have had a sort of brand recognition beat into me. That brand is Dell. You buy Dell computers, you buy Dell servers, your mom is a Dell.

Well, today I wondered what happened to Gateway. I found out. They are still around and they are kicking ass, if you ask me (and you probably didn't). They have desktop systems for $500 that have Quad-Cores in them, 2.6 GHz processors, 4 GB of RAM, and, assuredly, 750 GB of disk space. I had an orgasm on the spot. Which was terrible because I was at work!

Gateway's laptops are pretty cool, too! And, everything is really cheap. You buy the computers from third-party retailers now instead of direct, which might be something that has happened since they shrunk.

If you are looking for a new computer, you should definitely check them out. Gateway is the new pink.

Time is cruel. Not because it makes us move forward, but because of what it leaves behind. All the things you once did and loved, and all you can do is look back on it; never able to return to it as you once had it. And, if that isn't painful enough, even the memory starts to tarnish the farther away time takes you. Maybe heaven and hell don't exist, because the after-life is just a play back of what you lived through, over and over. That's probably a strange thought, but for me... I would like that a lot. I guess that means I don't have very many regrets.

Nostalgia. It is a disease I have had all my life.

"Hmmm.... I'm not sure. This appears to be some kind of primitive communications portal. I believe they used to call it a blog, or something. It looks like it hasn't been touched in centuries though, captain."

Yeah, I know. I died and arose from the ashes born again unto you. Yet, in my fight in the darkest reaches of hell, I have returned victorious... If not wounded for the wear. I have moved away from Bozeman and, in leaving, it was like sailing out of a dark storm to find the beautiful sun of the Caribbean lighting the sun drenched islands and blue lagoon waters. I might be sitting in 3 feet of snow, but it looks goooOOOOOood!

Two months ago, I had a job interview with a company in another city in Montana. It went well, they made me an offer, and here I am. Moved out of the disagreeable Bozeman, where nothing seemed to be working out for me, and now setting up new camp in our new home. The job is good, the city is full of friendly people (even though the move was only 3 hours from Bozeman), and the place we live is much improved (although it helps that the landlord isn't a complete dick). I like new starts.

I'll try to write more, but I think, in the spirit of new starts, that I keep these entries from this point on void of important information.

P.S. If anyone is looking to venture capitalize in a video game studio I have the company set up for you. Let's talk business!

My greatest fear is that I will one day die from a massive trauma to my brain or a massive brain aneurysm. And, it won't be from anything physical. It will be because it was holding too much information. Not any real information, but I'll die from adding the useless information like: chocolate is bad for dogs...Oh, God!!!!! thunk

The best time of the year for her was the only time she could think of now. It was the only time she was ever happy even as a child. It was the piano.

The piano at Christmas, and the people she loved surrounding her. Every note from the crafted mahogany wood was a step toward the completion she was missing now. In the memories the piano would give her she could travel back and see everyone's face again. Even the ones gone now for so long... And, Father's hands dancing across the keys as if they, too, were taking part in some elaborate reenactment of a celebration they did every year.

Their gathering seemed smaller now, but it was still filled with the importance she had always put to this time of year. The ones behind her on the wall were still a part of it. They still looked on as they always did when the piano started playing. Faces full of love and a smile that couldn't be shaken.... And, Grandmother's cookies on the plate placed on the table.

Now, the hour was growing late and the notes swirled into their gradual ending prose. The songs she loved would leave now, only her memories remaining. Leaving, to be saved for another year. The goodbyes being said, the hugs being passed around; a final reminder that time flows forward... And, the piano, in it's corner behind them, was silent again.

If I ever hear someone describe Object-C as a flexible C++ I'm going to beat them....To death. That kind of silliness will not be tolerated outside of an insane asylum.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you can't seem to find information that you read somewhere once. I have noticed recently that places on the internet make it difficult or impossible to look back on old information that you might have seen. It's public information suddenly being made private. Take, for instance, an Ebay auction. I noticed that you can't look at what an auction started at, even though at some point this information was easily available as public information, most notable when the auction immediately started. So, if you wanted to see the auction start price, you no longer can. To my knowledge, Ebay doesn't want you to see this after it has passed. This is just an example of information that was publicly available, but suddenly is hidden privately from you. I think it's a strange thing to think about.

If you have ever read the book 1984, it is similar to the Ministry of Truth changing the records of the past in order to make Big Brother seem all-knowing. Perhaps this is something primitive in our society that we subconsciously look for in a larger system. Do we enjoy the deceit?

If anyone is getting sick of using their IE crapstick, or maybe getting tired of the slow Firefox, you may want to try a different browser.

I've plugged Firefox before, and it is a great browser, but it has been getting slower in recent versions. Their are two browsers now that I think are the fastest and most compatible. They are Safari and Opera. Opera is actually the one I suggest now. It is fast and is finally fully compatible starting with 9.5 the most recent version. Safari lacks some interface widgets and smoothness that Firefox has gotten me hooked on. But, give Opera a try because it is worth the download now that they have worked so hard on it.

Most importantly, please stop using Internet Explorer. It really is crap, doesn't support standards, and is insecure with the way it handles protocols (that can include the encryption protecting your credit card information)

I've realized that, as a man myself, the only other man I could ever love is Phil Collins. I feel the glare from my wife from some...where....

* I'd only ever love him for his music though.

Alright, done being depressed!

I have had a few set back lately and bad stuff happen, but I am moving past it. I have decided that in order to get a job in the tech industry one must have a website that is more than a blog. Interesting point, I do not have any person programming in publication, whether it be on my website or in a book somewhere. No one, besides my wife, has physical proof that I can program. Oops. That might make it hard for an employer to get excited about me.

In that regard, I am going to do a website change in the coming weeks that will let people actually read my source code. I'm not a big fan about that, not because someone could steal whatever crap I've managed to create, but because it is so deeply a part of me. It has taken me a good part of my life working here and there between jobs to sculpt what little code I have. It's just personal.

Unfortunately, I am finding it difficult to place that much code on the web site in an "employer readable" format. I am going to try and write a PHP class to do the conversion. Which is irony because I will in-turn post that code. Bear with me as RoryWeb makes some changes.

I had lost my way, the glow of the bombs my only guide;
It's always darkest before the dawn.
What fight had I left, with no one left on my side?

I have slipped and fallen; no hand to catch me,
I was infallible before them.
The Path of Truth lost so I could not see.

Through my torn military jacket I felt it slip.
Do they even know me?
Her picture fell from the broken locket clip.

In the worst darkness, I have fallen.
My prophets lost to me, their advice; deaf to me.
Who, then, shall rescue me from the flames?

Only myself now. Only myself.

I came back last week from a job interview where the company I was applying at flew me down to their San Francisco office. I thought the interview went really well except for the last guy, the hiring manager. I could tell he was one of those "serious geeks", the college degreed Computer Science students that knew all the theory behind what he was doing. I was just a code monkey to him at best. That wouldn't have been a problem, except that I couldn't answer his Logic Problem. Apparently that was a pass or fail part of the interview because after that I had to leave and he seemed less then interested in me.

Another thing I did wrong was talk too much. He asked a simple question, "What would I add to their product if I could". My answer was simple and should have been left at that. But, I started talking about some security methods I would use to make this a safe feature to add to the product. That was a bad thing because he thought I was bullshitting him and called me on it. I tried to tell him that it was a good thing to remove executable code. He said it didn't matter. And, it doesn't; to a point. What I meant is Buffer Overflow techniques. Malformed files that, when parsed badly, can result in extra data being loaded in. This extra data "could" be executable, and if your code isn't written well, will allow for the program to start running that malformed, executable information. Apparently, even bringing this up made me look like an idiot in his eyes.

That was my point of failure. I didn't get the job. I got a corporate e-mail response to my personal e-mail in the form of, "Thank you. You're just great. Here is your handjob. By the way, get the fuck out!". I screwed up the interview, I know that. But, they really missed who I was. Even though the theory stuff gives me a run for my money, I can still write code and manage teams. My basic skills and limitations, I guess. I'm having a depressing July.

I hope Mr. Ultra-Geek is logically and scientifically constructing his own massive pair of lips to theoretically kiss his own pompous ass. I would write the program for that, but I don't work for him.

Today, my Grandmother on my mother's side died. We were all lucky enough to be by her side until the end, and have the chance to say goodbye.

Death is more than just losing someone, sometimes it is a reminder of how things change in life. I can remember great times with family, at the lake on long weekends. We would look forward to seeing everyone come over and talk and eat. Grandpa would have the deck on the lake house painted, the dock in the water, and the paddle boat ready for another summer voyage. Grandma would have everything so clean, even though it was outside, not a speck of dirt could be found on the furniture. And, there was always great food, especially her sugar cookies!

I looked forward to coming up to see Grandma because I knew that there were always so many people I loved around her. Her house was always so peaceful. The lake were we seemed to gather had so much family living around it that I knew, no matter when we visited, I would be able to see those people. It felt to me that there was always a celebration happening. In these last few years, the deck has peeled, trees have fallen down, the beauty of the place has faded, and family has moved away. The place in my memory is now an unreachable dream forever lost in the waves from the lake. A childhood aged to adulthood.

People deal with death in different ways. My way of coping with it is symbolism. With death their is life reborn. Not in reincarnation, but in the faces of the children gathered to mourn her. New life can be seen in their faces, even if it has passed from hers. Her memory and her legacy will be remembered much more vividly in a child's memory and it will be retold by them with more beauty than I could ever remember. Because, I will make sure to give times like that back to them to enjoy as I did.

I shall do the only thing I can do now. I shall remember it all forever.