Rory's Journal

So, we finally got a better place to live. We haven't moved yet, but soon. It's a house and should be quieter. Sonya also got a better job. Of course anything is better than that godforsaken shit-hole she worked at before. Now she gets treated like a human being not a robot. And if she ever took maternity leave, she probably wouldn't be fired for it. You know, the stuff that normal companies, by law, uphold. I guess when you are a company going tits up you just kind of stop caring about what is legal for you to do.

But, the house is nice and so is her new job. Maybe, after all these weeks, my mood will finally improve. The last few entries make me sound like I'm crazy.

It feels like everything is spinning. All the colors are starting to blur around me and that feeling of falling is coming up on me.

Today the insurance company totaled out my car, gave me a paltry $1,600 for it, and took away what was once my wings of freedom, my chariot. I had so many memories in that car, so many times of laughter. That was when life was simple. That was when I could get in that car and go away to a better place. Instead, this time, I watched the car go. With no money to get another car and no option to fix what was my car, I have lost everything. I literally have no physical property to my name now. I have been stripped of everything I have known to be a part of me and had it replaced with either nothing or the weight of responsibility for another.

This is the part of the storm where your boat turns over and some of the crew don't come up from under the surface of the water.

The door has closed behind me and, in desperation, my hands fumble for the doorknob to open the other door as the darkness begins to swirl.

I wrecked my car yesterday. It was an event that I always thought I could avoid, for some reason. I was driving along main street and a high school kid pulled out of a side street. Because of how many cars there were in the other lane, neither one of us could see each other. I saw his car for half a second before I hit him. The force of the collision spun his car around and ripped the front end off of mine. Two of the five people he had in the car had to go to the hospital. After the police came and the ambulances left I had my police report and the tow truck. I left what was left of my car with a local mechanic that I knew, although I should have towed it to a body shop. It won't matter either way because I'm sure the insurance company is going to total out the car. The bad thing about that is that the total of car won't be enough to purchase another without a monthly payment.

It's scary when things like this happen. The kid was good about it. He admitted that he was at fault, and asked if I was OK. He filed the insurance claim before I did, in fact. I hope his friends are OK.