Rory's Journal

My greatest fear is that I will one day die from a massive trauma to my brain or a massive brain aneurysm. And, it won't be from anything physical. It will be because it was holding too much information. Not any real information, but I'll die from adding the useless information like: chocolate is bad for dogs...Oh, God!!!!! thunk

The best time of the year for her was the only time she could think of now. It was the only time she was ever happy even as a child. It was the piano.

The piano at Christmas, and the people she loved surrounding her. Every note from the crafted mahogany wood was a step toward the completion she was missing now. In the memories the piano would give her she could travel back and see everyone's face again. Even the ones gone now for so long... And, Father's hands dancing across the keys as if they, too, were taking part in some elaborate reenactment of a celebration they did every year.

Their gathering seemed smaller now, but it was still filled with the importance she had always put to this time of year. The ones behind her on the wall were still a part of it. They still looked on as they always did when the piano started playing. Faces full of love and a smile that couldn't be shaken.... And, Grandmother's cookies on the plate placed on the table.

Now, the hour was growing late and the notes swirled into their gradual ending prose. The songs she loved would leave now, only her memories remaining. Leaving, to be saved for another year. The goodbyes being said, the hugs being passed around; a final reminder that time flows forward... And, the piano, in it's corner behind them, was silent again.

If I ever hear someone describe Object-C as a flexible C++ I'm going to beat them....To death. That kind of silliness will not be tolerated outside of an insane asylum.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you can't seem to find information that you read somewhere once. I have noticed recently that places on the internet make it difficult or impossible to look back on old information that you might have seen. It's public information suddenly being made private. Take, for instance, an Ebay auction. I noticed that you can't look at what an auction started at, even though at some point this information was easily available as public information, most notable when the auction immediately started. So, if you wanted to see the auction start price, you no longer can. To my knowledge, Ebay doesn't want you to see this after it has passed. This is just an example of information that was publicly available, but suddenly is hidden privately from you. I think it's a strange thing to think about.

If you have ever read the book 1984, it is similar to the Ministry of Truth changing the records of the past in order to make Big Brother seem all-knowing. Perhaps this is something primitive in our society that we subconsciously look for in a larger system. Do we enjoy the deceit?

If anyone is getting sick of using their IE crapstick, or maybe getting tired of the slow Firefox, you may want to try a different browser.

I've plugged Firefox before, and it is a great browser, but it has been getting slower in recent versions. Their are two browsers now that I think are the fastest and most compatible. They are Safari and Opera. Opera is actually the one I suggest now. It is fast and is finally fully compatible starting with 9.5 the most recent version. Safari lacks some interface widgets and smoothness that Firefox has gotten me hooked on. But, give Opera a try because it is worth the download now that they have worked so hard on it.

Most importantly, please stop using Internet Explorer. It really is crap, doesn't support standards, and is insecure with the way it handles protocols (that can include the encryption protecting your credit card information)

I've realized that, as a man myself, the only other man I could ever love is Phil Collins. I feel the glare from my wife from some...where....

* I'd only ever love him for his music though.

Alright, done being depressed!

I have had a few set back lately and bad stuff happen, but I am moving past it. I have decided that in order to get a job in the tech industry one must have a website that is more than a blog. Interesting point, I do not have any person programming in publication, whether it be on my website or in a book somewhere. No one, besides my wife, has physical proof that I can program. Oops. That might make it hard for an employer to get excited about me.

In that regard, I am going to do a website change in the coming weeks that will let people actually read my source code. I'm not a big fan about that, not because someone could steal whatever crap I've managed to create, but because it is so deeply a part of me. It has taken me a good part of my life working here and there between jobs to sculpt what little code I have. It's just personal.

Unfortunately, I am finding it difficult to place that much code on the web site in an "employer readable" format. I am going to try and write a PHP class to do the conversion. Which is irony because I will in-turn post that code. Bear with me as RoryWeb makes some changes.

"I had lost my way, the glow of the bombs my only guide;
It's always darkest before the dawn.
What fight had I left, with no one left on my side?

I have slipped and fallen; no hand to catch me,
I was infallible before them.
The Path of Truth lost so I could not see.

Through my torn military jacket I felt it slip.
Do they even know me?
Her picture fell from the broken locket clip.

In the worst darkness, I have fallen.
My prophets lost to me, their advice; deaf to me.
Who, then, shall rescue me from the flames?

Only myself now. Only myself.

I came back last week from a job interview where the company I was applying at flew me down to their San Francisco office. I thought the interview went really well except for the last guy, the hiring manager. I could tell he was one of those "serious geeks", the college degreed Computer Science students that knew all the theory behind what he was doing. I was just a code monkey to him at best. That wouldn't have been a problem, except that I couldn't answer his Logic Problem. Apparently that was a pass or fail part of the interview because after that I had to leave and he seemed less then interested in me.

Another thing I did wrong was talk too much. He asked a simple question, "What would I add to their product if I could". My answer was simple and should have been left at that. But, I started talking about some security methods I would use to make this a safe feature to add to the product. That was a bad thing because he thought I was bullshitting him and called me on it. I tried to tell him that it was a good thing to remove executable code. He said it didn't matter. And, it doesn't; to a point. What I meant is Buffer Overflow techniques. Malformed files that, when parsed badly, can result in extra data being loaded in. This extra data "could" be executable, and if your code isn't written well, will allow for the program to start running that malformed, executable information. Apparently, even bringing this up made me look like an idiot in his eyes.

That was my point of failure. I didn't get the job. I got a corporate e-mail response to my personal e-mail in the form of, "Thank you. You're just great. Here is your handjob. By the way, get the fuck out!". I screwed up the interview, I know that. But, they really missed who I was. Even though the theory stuff gives me a run for my money, I can still write code and manage teams. My basic skills and limitations, I guess. I'm having a depressing July.

I hope Mr. Ultra-Geek is logically and scientifically constructing his own massive pair of lips to theoretically kiss his own pompous ass. I would write the program for that, but I don't work for him.

Today, my Grandmother on my mother's side died. We were all lucky enough to be by her side until the end, and have the chance to say goodbye.

Death is more than just losing someone, sometimes it is a reminder of how things change in life. I can remember great times with family, at the lake on long weekends. We would look forward to seeing everyone come over and talk and eat. Grandpa would have the deck on the lake house painted, the dock in the water, and the paddle boat ready for another summer voyage. Grandma would have everything so clean, even though it was outside, not a speck of dirt could be found on the furniture. And, there was always great food, especially her sugar cookies!

I looked forward to coming up to see Grandma because I knew that there were always so many people I loved around her. Her house was always so peaceful. The lake were we seemed to gather had so much family living around it that I knew, no matter when we visited, I would be able to see those people. It felt to me that there was always a celebration happening. In these last few years, the deck has peeled, trees have fallen down, the beauty of the place has faded, and family has moved away. The place in my memory is now an unreachable dream forever lost in the waves from the lake. A childhood aged to adulthood.

People deal with death in different ways. My way of coping with it is symbolism. With death their is life reborn. Not in reincarnation, but in the faces of the children gathered to mourn her. New life can be seen in their faces, even if it has passed from hers. Her memory and her legacy will be remembered much more vividly in a child's memory and it will be retold by them with more beauty than I could ever remember. Because, I will make sure to give times like that back to them to enjoy as I did.

I shall do the only thing I can do now. I shall remember it all forever.

I dreamt of blood upon the shore, of eyes that spoke of sin.
The lake was smooth and deep and black, as was her scented skin.
A mask I wore as I approached, I was what I am not.
And though the pattern was unclear, it's meaning could be bought.
Drawn to Bacchus's abode, I sought there to conspire.
But it was in the city of the dead that I found my heart's desire.
I spoke to one who smelled of death, he gave me to his ears.
And crosses that were marked were made into a veil of tears.
The road was blocked, the truth was shunned, the white flag had been waved.
Reversal cost me all I had, and everything I'd braved.
And then the night became as day, I glimpsed nature's reddest claw!
The face of fear looked back at me as I gazed into the maw.
My last ally laid to waste, I ran towards the light.
I prayed for one to change my path, to give me strength to fight.
Inside a hidden chamber where I had no right to be,
I found the wheel at last, or could it be, the wheel found me.
And then the wheel went round and round, I could not find my way.
Twelve and three and turn the key, I heard the madman say.
Deep in the earth I faced a fight that I could never win.
The blameless and the base destroyed, and all that might have been.

Programmers - We're just not happy until we're off by one on everything.

In an attempt to keep my blog a little more professional, I have removed some old entries and more of the stupid ones. Anyway, I'm trying to keep the blog a little more towards programming and writing so that there might actually be some categorization. My blog allows for categories, but the last time I turned them on it didn't seem to work. Oh, well. Sorry to those of you looking for the design plans to the atom bomb. I don't post that stuff.

I'll try to keep it interesting. I apologize in advance if I numb your skull with boredom.

I am addicted to caffeine. I can tell because without it I am droopy pants. And, when I do get my paws on some, it makes me happy. I am actually happy for no reason. Just happy. I can be happy without it of course. But, if I'm not already happy, it makes me that way. I think that fact makes my co-workers happy, too.

I also think that good things are about to happen to me. Bear with me, this may just be the aforementioned caffeine. My financially fragile little world seems like it's always on the edge. I was hoping with the launch of Poinzy.com everything would become better, but it hasn't. We are dragging our feet taking the invite code off of the artist's system. So, money isn't going to be coming in from there until we are done. But, my plan is to focus on my Game Design career aspect. Creativity is where I need to be and on that note, I am going to be rearranging parts of my blog within the next few months. I am going to focus the blog to more career oriented. It will still be my personal blog, but it will probably have links to my resume and, most importantly, my portfolio of programming. I tell people I am a programmer, but they have yet to actually see any of my code. I have a few projects that would be interesting for an employer to see and I need to represent that.

Also, I still need to increase my writing time. My short stories that are on my blog aren't really that interesting, but at the same time I don't want to post a chapter or book. I might actually want to sell that some day. I think the best advice for that is to forget about money and just post it so people can enjoy it. I'll never get published, because the publishing companies have seen to that for all of us. They don't care about new writers and they certainly won't read the work of some nobody.

I am currently listening to "Kiss The Girl (Little Mermaid) - Dance Mix". It's interesting...

I'm beginning to understand why some blogs clear out old entries after a few years. Some of my entries are terrible. Especially the ones from Gamestop. I look like a nut case. It's obvious that retail isn't for me. It drove me crazy. I'm much more relaxed now, but anyone looking back on them and reading the entries would think I was crazy. I might have to start cleaning out those entries if future employers are going to be looking at them. To anyone joining the blog in the last year, don't bother looking back. It's not impressive.

Retail used to make me nuts. I am definitely the guy that sits at the desk and programs. I'd rather be playing and making video games then selling them to customers. Sometimes I just don't have the patients to deal with customers like that. That is why I do what I do now. Program.